The restaurant industry has never been an easy place to work, and it has never been an easy place to lead - there are employees from all walks of life who come together to make good food and serve the public. Most establishments are fast paced, they're demanding, emotional, and more often than not, extremely unforgiving. It's also an industry that has been led primarily by men for decades. The amount of unsolicited "advice" I used to receive made me feel as though customers felt I was inadequate as a business owner. They knew little about my background or how I can remain calm in the midst of a storm.
As a chef and woman business owner - especially a third generation one - I've come to learn that leadership doesn't always look the way people expect.
I know my craft well. I've worked every position in this restaurant. I can cook, prep, clean, serve, expo, manage, and step in wherever I'm needed. I often tell my employees (when they're in the weeds and I hear "MOMMM!") that I enjoy feeling needed. I still love working the line and proving that I can do everything that I ask of my employees. I want to set the bar high for them to strive for and give them little tips and tricks along the way. Experience is not something I lack... I've been doing this since I was in intermediate school. But experience alone doesn't prevent judgment, assumptions, or people testing your boundaries, especially when you choose to lead with empathy instead of fear.
One of the biggest challenges I face isn't the long hours or the physical work. It's the pressure to toe that fine line of being "tougher," more distant, and less human so I can be taken more seriously. It's trying to make everyone happy when sometimes my cup is running dry. It's catching wind of someone questioning behind your back why you're doing this or why you're doing that.
While I have a strong old-fashioned mindset (an old soul if you will), I will die on the hill that employees are vastly different now than ten years ago, even five years ago. I don't believe that belittling people makes them better employees; there's no need to constantly remind them of hierarchy or who signs their paychecks. I don't believe intimidation helps with building a strong team. And I surely don't believe that respect comes from fear. Respect is earned. I want my employees to be able to come to me about anything and everything. Sometimes I tell them "Choose your battles," and sometimes I tell them "I wish that was my biggest problem today." hahah. Usually they step back and realize - "Oh, that's really not that big of a deal."
I lead the way I do because restaurants can't run on one person - it is a team effort, always.
That, however, doesn't mean that I'm a pushover. It doesn't mean that I avoid accountability. And it definitely doesn't mean I don't expect my employees to do their jobs well and the way I want it done. What it does mean is that I try my hardest to understand the people who work for me. Everyone has unseen struggles. Everyone needs grace sometimes because Lord knows I need it every. single. day.
Unfortunately, sometimes that approach is often misunderstood: they mistake kindness for weakness. Some employees test limits because they realize that I'm fair. Customers sometimes feel they can talk to me differently than they would a male figurehead. If there's one thing I learned, it's that strength and empathy are not polar opposites. You can be firm and human at the same time. Setting boundaries will always upset someone, but it doesn't require being hard-hearted.
To anyone who is looking in from the outside, especially women who are thinking about stepping into a leadership role in this industry, please keep this in mind: you can lead with skill, with boundaries, AND with compassion.
